Watch
There’s No Place Left For Me To Go, is a poetic exploration of the
experience of longing, its development into obsession or apathy, the desire
to obtain a new body and begin again.
Initial Text
Longing is my full time job, although one might not notice, I do my 8 hours every day. While brushing my teeth, while standing in line for coffee, in my bed before I fall asleep. I clock in and out all the time, longing as if I had mortgage to pay. “Why would you choose such career path?” Somebody asked once. “Well…” I said “it sort of chose me on its own”.
Typically, when there is something I want, there is a path I need to take in order to reach it. Therefore if I’m in a state of longing, that path is non existent, like wanting to touch the sky as if it was a ceiling. Unfulfilled desire grows thorns and attracts hornets.
I have been in the business of longing for about two years now and each full moon, I get a 5% increase in my salary and occasionally a promotion to a higher position in the corporation. This results in more responsibilities, so my free time suffers, and the real connections I have with the world deteriorate. I’m drawing these parallels between longing and the capitalist system because both start off as innocent and grow into monsters. Unsustained.
The truth is, I haven’t known life without longing and as much as it hurts me, I’m always somehow in the state of it. Maybe to some extent it’s masochism. I crave an excessive closeness but I’m not going to reveal anything more than that. I want to scream while hiding.
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The work should be installed within a dark space, while allowing people to walk around it, interact and immerse themselves in the audio, tactile and visual parts of the work.
Wind should be included, lightly facing the paper via a fan or something else.
The audio should be ambient, never through headphones.
Installation
The footage is shot by Vasil in Ireland and Milan on a digital camera.
The audio is a Bulgarian Folk Song, recorded by me from a live
performance. Another song is heard which is the official
recording of the Kushlevi Sisters’ Хурка Писана, Шарена.
There is also a remastered audio from a Lana Del Rey live
concert.
Supporting text is read aloud by me,
recorded on a digital camera.
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Why
Longing
This artwork has allowed me to face inner conflicts and show
and conceal myself, both at the same time.
Longing for something impossible and refusing to let go can
have detrimental effects.